Dear Readers,

  This Newsletter shares NLP tips and techniques to help improve our competence, confidence and congruence in various aspects of our professional and personal lives.  If you are not the intended recipient of this Newsletter, instructions to unsubscribe are found at the bottom of the Newsletter. 

In this issue, I will be discussing the following topics:

1.  The Outcome Frame of Mind

2.  NLP Presupposition: "There is no failure, only feedback."

3.  Training Programmes for Sep 2003


1.          The Outcome Frame of Mind

  John (not his real name) sat in front of me with a forlorn face. He had just given me a litany of reasons of what was not going right in his life and career at that point of his life.  His childhood, his father, his marriage, his friend who persuaded him to leave his previous job, his current supervisors.  All of them were to take some blame for the quandary he was in.

  His employer had sent him to me to help him get out of the rut.

  I asked him “So, John, what exactly do you want to do or be now?”  He was silent for a moment and then blurted “That’s where I need help!  Please tell me what I should do.”

  John’s reply is quite typical of people who are under-performing.  For example, when I asked some underperforming students “At the end of the year, how many A’s do you want to score in your final exams?” I got glazy looks from them.  Then they mumbled something about the need to be realistic about their abilities, or why they didn't wish to be stressed out.

  When I asked the same questions in the elite schools, the replies came fast and furious.

          “10 A’s”

  The main difference between those who are performing and those who are not, boils down simply to this:

What frame of mind are they mainly pre-occupied with?

  Go-getters focus their minds mainly on what they want - their outcomes, be it career, family, financial status or whatever.  

  Underperformers, on the other hand, focus their minds mainly on the problem, the reasons for the problem, why the problem is not good for them, how life is unfair to them, who’re to blame for their predicament.  These questions go through their minds again and again, like a spiral. A downward spiral.

  And this can quickly become a mental habit covering many areas of their lives.

  So, the next time you face a problem (and all of us are not short of them!), be mindful of adopting the Outcome frame of mind.  The questions that you would want to pre-occupy your minds are:

·        What do I really want?

·        When do I want it?

·        How will I know I have it?

·        When I get what I want, what else in my life will improve?

·        What resources do I have available to help me overcome the problem?

·        How will I best use the resources that I have?

·        What am I going to do now to get what I want?

·        Are the steps clear enough to me?

.        When do I start?


2.         NLP Presupposition:  There is no failure, only feedback.

  I admit this is one presupposition I find hard to convince my listeners.  When an executive doesn’t get promoted, while others less capable are, it is difficult not to take it as a personal failure.  Or, a student who scores 15 out of 100 marks. Isn’t that an outright failure?

  Actually, this presupposition signals to us the dangers of labeling, specifically emotional labeling.  “Failure” has a strong negative emotional association.  When a person, especially a young person, is told “You failed” or worse “You are a failure”, he has 2 possible responses: 

  One is:  “Oh yeah! I am going to prove you are wrong.”  It is a response of defiance.

  The other response is: “Somehow I knew I am not up to the mark.  I have been hiding my inadequacies from other people.  I guess he’s right – I’ve failed.  No point going through it again.”    This is the response of giving up, of lowered self-esteem, of lowered sense of achievement.  It is the more likely response when the labeling is repeated again and again. This response is like a mental virus; we all need to be innoculated from it.

  If you want to achieve what you strongly desire, it pays to be defiant!



26 Sep
The 1 Day Essential NLP Programme

29 Sep
Developing Dynamic Negotiation Skills

30 Sep
Presenting for Influence and Persuasion

Find out more about these courses here.

To register:
By Phone : (65) 9752-0670  

Online Registration: Click here


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